Am I a 10 camel kind of a girl? Nope, just a free french fry kind of a girl...

Last night I was hungry for one thing and one thing only: shawarma. 

Shawarma is this delicious Middle Eastern wrap that usually consists of shaved meat, mayonnaise, hummus, green bell peppers, and whatever else they decide to put in it. It is basically manna sent from heaven [maybe it was?].

There is an amazing shawarma restaurant down the street called "mat3m leemar," so naturally I headed down there as quickly as possible.

I ordered the usual: a "wijba shawarma," which includes one shawarma sandwich, a little pickled salad, and yogurt. But after I paid I noticed that the price was slightly off. So I mentioned it to the man at the register, only to find out that they charged me for a meal with fries. Luckily he was able to tell the shawarma-making man to leave out the fries before he put my meal together.

However, as the shawarma-making man handed me my meal, he smiled, winked, and showed me the fries he knowingly put in my meal!

Me: "Ummmmm, mine was without fries."

The shawarma man doesn't say a word, but instead he just puts my meal with stolen fries into a bag and hands it to me.

Guy at the register: "You didn't put fries in it did you?!"

Shawarma Man: "No, of course not!"

Morally conflicted, I stood in the middle of the restaurant for about 10 seconds before fleeing the scene of the crime. 

So no, I have not been offered any camels yet for my hand in marriage. But yes, I have been given free french fries. 

I can work with that.

On the Hijab

In light of the hijab, which we have been talking about all week in my Arabic class, I just thought I'd share an essay I wrote last semester which perfectly sums up my feelings about it:

Hijab Does Not Signify Oppression

Although there is no doubt that the oppression of women has and does take place in the Middle East, it is not a common Islamic or cultural practice. Unfortunately many people do not associate freedom, dignity, and faith with Islam, particularly regarding its female adherents. As a result the hijab, a religious headscarf worn by many Muslim women, is often attacked and associated with oppression and misogyny. In reality the hijab is meant to be a respectful demonstration of piety and dignity, which can allow Muslim women to express their dedication and love for God as well as those around them.
The first time I encountered the hijab was during a high school study abroad trip in Norway. I attended a Norwegian language school for immigrants in order to study the language and I was the only American. Most of the students were from Africa, Asia, and the Middle East. One day during a class break, I saw an enormous black cloak walk past me. Within seconds I realized it was a woman, carrying her books to class with nothing more than a slit allowing her to see. The thoughts that ran through my head did not include the word dignity. I immediately felt uncomfortable in the sense that this women was such a foreign concept to me. I had no idea why she was wearing it, but I assumed that she came from a “less developed” country or an ultra-conservative religion.
I am not proud of how I felt towards that woman, but in my defense I knew nothing about the Middle East, Islam, or the hijab. Sadly, this is how I imagine most Americans feel. Similar to my first encounter with the hijab, which was a very superficial/outward expression of Islam, many outsiders see just that: a very external expression of Islam which they know nothing about. When they look at the hijab I believe that most Americans see oppressed, underappreciated women whose husbands are part-time terrorists part-time abusive husbands. Yet why is it that “when we see a nun covered from head to toe in her habit we commend her on her devotion to God” (TBI Iftikhar 222)?
An  Islamic hijab is properly worn when it is worn out of self-respect and devotion to God. I think the majority of Americans would agree that “human dignity is respected and it must be followed; all human beings share in this whether man or woman, black or white, or whatever nation of creed. Every individual has the right of human dignity” (Mutahhari 361). Unfortunately they do not understand that the hijab can be a way by which human dignity is experienced and demonstrated. According to Haddad, Americans should think of Arab and Muslim women in terms of a Betty Crocker model instead of a bin Laden model, “with women choosing to attend their family responsibilities rather than to their personal freedoms” (4). Strategies such as these, i.e. seeing the hijab and the rights of Muslim women from a different perspective, can help rid the hijab of any negative misconceptions.
Another important aspect of the hijab which most Americans do not understand is the fact that not all Muslim women wear it. As Haddad continues to explain: “This [the hijab] is a religious mandate, but whether or not a woman decides to wear it is an issue between her and Allah because the Qur’an categorically states, ‘There is no compulsion in religion.’ Hijab symbolizes empowerment, not oppression of women.”
Although interpretations differ regarding wearing the hijab, when worn correctly it is seen as a sign of dignity in Islam, and not something to be forced upon someone else. Contrary to widespread stereotypes, the hijab can also be seen as a demonstration of the power to choose. Muslim women who decide to wear the hijab should not be automatically deemed as oppressed, because it is not a practice in which all Muslim women participate. Instead the hijab should be seen a tangible way to show devotion for many Muslim women; it does not signify oppression.

Confessions of a Former Die Hard Perfectionist

Maybe former is a little too premature, but either way I am at least a “transitioning die-hard perfectionist.” We all have our days right?

Sometimes I think I was born a perfectionist, or maybe I just developed this unhealthy habit at a very young age. According to my mom I used to sit and draw circles over and over again only to crumple them all up because they weren’t “perfect.” I think I was around the age of four.
Who knew the road to recovery would take me to Amman, Jordan.
Somewhere in between feeling like I am in an eternal Girls Camp hell with zero water and dirty clothes, reading news articles two hours a day about gruesome Middle Eastern issues, and often being unable to finish all of my homework, I have learned to let go.
I have learned to let go because in the long run I will never remember that time I said “Satan center” instead of “Cancer center” or the time that one Taxi driver ripped me off, or the time when I cried in front of my classmates because I was having a bad day. Well, maybe I will remember them, but it will always be in a much more humorous and lighter light.
Instead I will forever cherish the moments in which I finally remembered how to say that one word I had been struggling with, or I ate warm pita bread on my way to school, or when I was able to read an article without looking at the vocab list, or when I went to an all-girls, Arab dance party, or when I watched the sunset with my roommates on our apartment’s rooftop with the call to prayer and busy streets as a soundtrack.
Yes, life is good. And when it’s not good, it is usually because I am focusing on the few “negative” things in my life, trying to get rid of them in hopes of attaining some false ideal of perfection.
The only way we can become more perfect is by first realistically understanding where we really are. Then, and only then, can we begin to progress.
The other day in class my Arabic teacher said that "it is very freeing to accept where you are and move on." Truer words have never been said.
I do my homework. Sometimes I finish, sometimes I don't. There are days in which words come pouring out of my mouth, and there are others in which I stumble over simple pleasantries. But none of this really matters, because I know (even though I can barely notice it) that on some level I am changing and improving.
Similarly in life our everyday experiences, whether "good" or "bad," change and mold us. So when we  accept where we are and focus on what we get out of our experiences, we are able to improve.
From a religious standpoint, I once read an LDS book that said when we are unwilling to admit to our faults or make mistakes, we are basically saying that our ability to be imperfect is more powerful than Christ's ability to make us more perfect.
I believe this applies to EVERY aspect of our lives, especially in moments of perfectionism. We are all so unique and we are here to work on becoming more perfect. However unless we can be willing to walk imperfectly, trusting God, we will forever remain in a limbo-state of the imperfections that we obsessed over in the first place.
So be honest with yourself, others, and God, and embrace every aspect of yourself and your life. My perfectionist days are (mostly) over and let me tell you- life has never felt so good.

Ode to Megan, My Missionary

I just wanted to let the world know that I can't wait to see my missionary, Megan, again. In reality she doesn't leave for her 1 1/2 year mission for little less than month. But seeing as I am in Jordan it feels like she's already gone!

I think we were in the 2nd grade when the top picture was taken. And even though we have gone years at a time without seeing each other, whenever our paths cross it is as if we had never parted ways.

Here we are again at the age of 20, partying it up at Applebee's. I already cannot wait for the next reunion in roughly 1 1/2 years!

Love you, Megan!

Call to Prayer

Muslims pray five times a day, all five of which are preceded by the "adhan," or the call to prayer. This call is often recited over the mosques' speakers and it consists of the "shahada," which is the Islamic statement of faith: "There is no deity but God, and Muhammad is the Messenger of God." This declaration of faith is one of five pillars of Islam and it's recitation is required upon conversion.
One of the many things I love about Jordan is the influence of religion. It is such a drastic change from the United States. This really makes sense when you think about the fact that the Middle East is the birthplace of three major religions: Islam, Judaism, and Christianity.
I am not saying that I wish the United States' society was more permeated with religion like it is here, but I do think it is one of the many things that makes this region so unique and fascinating.
So sometimes I find myself awake around the crack of dawn, just in time for this beautiful recitation, which I believe anyone can appreciate regardless of nationality or religious-affiliation.

Just another typical night in Amman

Pry open a friend out of an elevator in Amman, Jordan after the power goes out in the neighborhood?

Yes, please.

Jordan Volunteers

Meet Mahmoud:

Mahmoud is one of the orphans I worked with today on a service trip. He was by far my favorite.

I met him on this slide, and as soon as I saw him I knew it was meant to be. He was charming: 

Me: shoo ismak? (what's your name?) 

Mahmoud: maba'arif! (I don't know.) 

Me: mabta'rif ismak?! (you don't know your name?)

Mahmoud: la! (no.)

He also had a faux-hawk. And I am a sucker for faux-hawks. Especially when they are on cute, Arab orphan boys.

Oh, and did I mention that he occasionally lies to me and tells me that he will go down the scary slide with me only to push me down it? Precious, I know. I think this was the moment in which I really knew we had something special:

He is also not the biggest fan of holding hands. But I think I can learn to deal with that:

Another testament of our lasting friendship occurred when he refused to take a picture with me because he "doesn't like girls."

Unfortunately, I will probably never see Mahmoud again. Nevertheless, the wave and smile he gave me at the end of the day as he boarded the bus was totally worth it.

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children... to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Dead Sea Fun

Covering ourselves with 3 dinar-dead sea mud which costs an arm and a leg anywhere else.

Here's the step-by-step process:

Step 1: cover the limbs

Step two: get everywhere else

Step three: Make sure the faces get covered

Step four: smile for the camera

Step five: let it bake

Step six: wash it off with your new best friend

I am in Love...

and their name is The Civil Wars! Two very good friends introduced me to this beautiful duet, and I just can't seem to get enough. Here are a few of my faves:

Life is Like a Jordanian Taxi Ride- You Never Know What You’re Going to Get

                                            [Amman, Jordan 2011]

One of the many things I have learned while in Jordan is that taxi riding is a microcosm of life. Crazy, I know. But it’s true. Like the wise fictional movie character, Forest Gump, once said, “Life is like a box of chocolates (or in this case, taxi rides), you never know what you’re going to get.”
Taxis are a common form of transportation here and I usually find myself taking at least two taxi rides a day. Yet each and every time it is a new experience. Some taxis are nicer than others, some drivers are funnier than others, some smell like smoke, etc… However you never know exactly what you have gotten yourself into until you slide into the back and kindly tell the driver where you want to go. But the fun doesn’t end there.
Sometimes music is playing. Thus far I have heard everything from classical Arab tunes and Euro dubstep to silence. There are “good” rides, and there are “bad” rides; sometimes you get ripped off, and other times you are pleasantly surprised by the price on the meter. Yet no matter what they always get you to where you need to be. This is where the real life lesson comes into play.
Throughout my life I have made decisions which probably weren’t the “best,” or maybe I just wasn’t doing everything I should have been doing at a given time. Yet no matter what I have somehow always been exactly where I needed to be. To this day I wouldn’t change a single thing.
Yes, life can be crazy, scary, exciting, and as unpredictable as a Jordanian taxi ride. But I can promise you that it is always an adventure well-worth taking, every second and every day of your life.
So drive on and enjoy the ride- it will get you to where you need to be.

Miracle of the Internet

Hallelujah, we have internet installed in the apartment. No more waking up and walking to school two hours before it starts to finish homework online. It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas. 

Home is Where the Heart Is

As much as I love it here, I do miss home occasionally. Home really is where the heart is. It is so interesting how we love the familiar, what we know. It is also interesting to learn about what you don't know. Things are very different here, the people, food, customs, and traditions. It's great. But I also have been making a mental list of things I miss. Ya know, to help me get through two hours of reading newspapers in Arabic every day.


Things I am missing right now:
1)Family
2)Friends
3)Massages
4)Skinny jeans
5)Granola
6)Drinkable tap water
7)Running
8)Mountains
9)US currency
10)Home

I can promise you that the majority of my time is not spent missing these things, but occasionally I like to daydream. On a lighter note this past weekend I had the opportunity to volunteer with "Volunteers for Jordan" which is a group of Jordanian youth who volunteer with various organizations each week. This past Saturday I went with some buddies from my program, along with all of the Jordanian volunteers, to an elderly home. We went around to the rooms, visited the residents, took them cookies and juice, and just talked to them. It was a blast. One kooky man even asked me to marry him! But I kindly declined since he was a little to old for me... It's good to know I have options though.

Once again, every day is such an adventure here, but there are some hot commodities I sometimes miss.

09/07/11 -- Miracle of the Water

Since we have been here in Amman, my four roommates and I have been very good at conserving water. We take very quick showers, using as little water as possible, when its “yellow” letting it “mellow” (thank you Professor Parkinson), only washing our clothes when we absolutely have to, etc… This past Wednesday felt like a good day to take a shower. I hadn't washed my hair for four days (thank you TIGI Rockstar Dry Shampoo), I was drowning in homework, and a little sick of sweating in my hot, conservative clothing. So a hot shower was just what I needed to take all my problems away, or at least help me forget about them for 10 minutes.
As I was doing homework and waiting for my roommate to get out of the shower, someone knocked on my bedroom door. It was my roommate who should have been in the shower. I believe she was still in a towel, soapy from head to toe when she sorrowfully announced, “I think our water is out.”
Here in Amman apartment complexes have tanks of water on their roofs for each apartment. Each week or two they are re-filled depending on how much water each tank needs. So what that means is that each apartment has a limited amount of water. If you use all of your water at any given time, then you either have to wait until they come to fill it, use your reserve water (if you have any), or pay your Haaris (the apartment “guard”) to come and fill it.
Long story short we had no more water in our apartment. Luckily at our school they have plenty of drinking water and bathroom facilities. So I just sprayed some more dry shampoo in my hair and took off. Once we got home that night however, we realized that we were still out of water. Finally, after a long series of desperate events to figure out the problem, calling people, having them come by and not fix the issue, we were able to use our reserve water. I swear that night drove us all near to the breaking point. We were surrounded by tons of homework to do, legs needed to be shaved, hair needed to be washed, and sheets needed to be changed. This all simply made it that much better when we finally got water around 10:00pm. It truly felt like a scene out of a movie when water began gushing out of all of the faucets we had turned on in order to see if it worked.
It really was a miracle. The miracle of the water.
My hair is now clean and we are hoping we make it through the next few days on the reserve water, inshallah. We can do it.

Letters to Mom #2

Well I survived my first week of school. Classes started on Sunday since Sunday = Monday here. It has been so weird going to church on Fridays and then starting school on Sunday. But I must say that I love having Thursday night to party, Friday for church, and then Saturday to do whatever.
Sunday through Thursday we have classes at the Arabic Immersion Institute from 10-12 and then from 4-5. During the 12-4 break we have speaking and writing appointments along with free time to do homework or get in our two hours of speaking. In addition to the homework that our teachers at the institute give us, we are required to speak to natives two hours a day and read newspapers two hours a day. So it is intense but I am sure that it will help me improve.
Within the first two weeks this program has really taught me how to let go of perfection. This study abroad is literally designed to give you too much to do in order to help you improve. If you do all of the homework everyday perfectly, for example, then you will easily never sleep and get burned out. So it has been hard to skip questions and not understand everything, but it has really taught me to do my best and focus on me instead of constantly comparing myself to others and noticing all of the kids who can speak, read, and write, better than I can.
Man, it is so easy to lose joy in life when you focus on perfection and some distant goal or future. Living in the moment and enjoying every second of the “good” and the “bad” is what life is all about. We talk so often about “enduring to the end” as if life is meant to be difficult. It is not. Life is meant to be an exciting learning experience tailored to our individual needs and wants. Isn’t that great? So enjoy the ride because it is a fun one. You can’t go wrong when you are doing everything you can to improve yourself as a person and grow closer to God.  Oh, and doing what you  love is important too. Happiness is why we are here.
As for finding Arab friends, I met a group of girls the other day on campus who were absolutely lovely. We exchanged numbers and they invited me to an all-girls party since they don‘t generally have mixed-gender parties. I took one of my roommates last night and it was one of the most amazing experiences ever. First of all, Arab women are gems. Some of the girls I had met wore hijabs while others did not, but there was no difference amongst them as they chatted, laughed, and danced. Since is was an all-girls party those who normally dressed conservatively changed into red carpet-worthy dresses. They all looked like Arab super model barbies. There was even a DJ at the party and we basically danced for two hours straight. Let me tell you, there is nothing oppressed about these women, with or without a veil. Maram and Rola are my two “favorites” out of the group of girls I met. Maram wears an hijab while Rola does not, but there really is no difference between the way their charismatic personalities shine. I have never met someone so kind as these girls. I am far from fluent and I don’t feel like I have a personality in Arabic, yet right off the bat they have treated me as if I was one of their closest friends. They know maybe a few English words which is great because it forces me to practice speaking and listening.
Cultures may differ, but these differences do not have to be barriers. We are all so connected as human beings it is scary. How else could we form multi-cultural friendships and relationships? It is truly a miracle and a testament of our divine connectedness.
Also, I am loving that dry shampoo you bought me. It is a lifesaver especially since our apartment RAN OUT OF WATER the other day. I will post the story on my blog, inshallah, and then you can read about it. Long story short my roommates and I had a mass apartment breakdown. Or at least I did since I was going crazy with the pile of homework next to me, dirty feet, and zero water. It was hilarious really.

Love you guys and I love the updates on everyone. Keep them coming!

Jordan

Letters to Mom #1

Since I don't have internet access very often, and since I will rarely get to talk/skype with my family, I will be writing a lot of super lengthy emails to my family via mi madre. It is very descriptive and then I can just send these to her/post them here to keep people up to date and hopefully entertained.


Hey Mom!
Sorry I haven’t been writing a lot. Our apartment doesn’t have internet yet so I can‘t access it often. We should get it installed some time next week so then I can keep in touch better.
Here’s what I have been up to:
So far so good, but there are definitely things I am going to have to get used to.
On the flight over I met up with a friend of mine in Chicago and thankfully our seats were right next to each other on the way to London, so that was a blast. Then from London to Amman I had my own row which was also pretty sweet. We got in around 9:00 and had to go through the immigration line in order to purchase our visas. The man who stamped mine laughed when he saw my name. Hilarious. It is so interesting to be on the other side of things again as a complete foreigner in another country.
Our apartments are MUCH better than expected: we have three bedrooms, three bathrooms, a nice kitchen, living room, and balcony on the third story.
Certain things remind me a lot of Italy such as the crazy driving, people staring, and apartments everywhere with clothes drying on the porches. I love it, but there are also a lot of difficulties.
Even after only being here for a few days I have realized just how hard it is to be a girl in the Middle East. I can’t go anywhere by myself, especially since I don’t know the area, and feeling like a dependent baby is something I am struggling with.
After a week our teacher should  let us go to close places by ourselves during the day but even then it is better to be with at least one other person (girl or boy).
There are so many things we take for granted in the US, like the great freedom we have, especially as women. Another is water. Water here is really scarce here so showers are short and cold. I never realized how much I naturally waste when I wash my face, brush my teeth, etc… so conservation has also been a hard adjustment. The plumbing system is so bad that our teacher advised us to “if it’s yellow let it mellow” and to throw away things such as toilet paper instead of flushing them. My apartment already has two clogged toilets. What a great growing experience, right? Haha… uuuuuggggghhhh.
I am really excited to start learning more Arabic but I am extremely worried about making native girlfriends. It is disheartening to watch the boys in our program go out at night and already be making friends, while I get to sit inside with my roommates or go out in a big group which never attracts individual interactions with native speakers.
I will never again take for granted how much money, water, and freedom I have back home. We have so much in the US and yet all people seem to do is complain about our government, taxes, economy, education, etc… Just turn on the news or radio and I promise that you can find evidence of this. What a waste of time. The United States is truly a blessed country and I am so grateful to be a part of it. I am thankful for being able to drink its tap water, walk around its streets safely and by myself, and flush it’s toilets.
A lot of times in the LDS church I feel like we are always waiting for a certain trial to end so that God can poor His blessings down upon us and that we won’t have room enough to receive them. What most people don’t realize is that He is standing there with His arms full of blessings. Unfortunately we are the ones who don’t notice and therefore never really “have them.” Gratitude is the door to many of these blessings. It is also a little heartbreaking to know that I get to live in the US while others face harsh trials.
Nevertheless I am loving it. There is such beauty in the chaos. It is so much like Napoli in that respect. It is simply a more conservative, Islamically-influenced Napoli. The way religion is so integrated into the society is unique and wonderful. One of my favorite things is the call to prayer which happens over the nearby mosque’s speakers five times a day. This morning I randomly woke up at five while it was still dark and I heard it. I listened to the whole thing as I laid in my bed with the coolest breeze ever coming through my window. It was so beautiful and serene. I can’t even begin to describe it.
All of the differences between this culture and ours is what makes this such a great experience. I have learned so much about myself and the world around me and it has only been three days. God doesn’t make mistakes and we are all His greatest creations. There is a purpose for our differences, and we just need to make sure that we are not making eternal judgments upon people because we do not have that right nor the knowledge to do so. It is not our job.
Once again, there is so much beauty and uniqueness here. It is very different from the United States and I thrive on learning about these differences and living them. I know that I am right where I am supposed to be and that is a great feeling. This year has been a rough one, but I wouldn’t change a thing. I know that there are many purposes to me being here at the end of a hectic year. I just don’t know the details. But that is more than okay because God does and I trust Him with my life. I know that as long as we put Him first then everything else will fall into place.
Today in sacrament meeting my program director bore his testimony. He talked about how he went on his mission to Beirut 40 years ago. While there he learned Arabic but because there was a no-proselyting policy it was difficult to get baptisms. He left his two year mission without baptizing a single soul. As a return missionary he said that he felt extremely discouraged since he had basically “wasted” two years of his life failing at the only work he was seemingly given to do during that period. A few months after returning from his mission he found out that the Church needed help translating the Book of Mormon into Arabic. Now, because of him, the Book of Mormon is available in Arabic.
So my point is that I know we all have many specific purposes here, even though they are rarely clear beforehand, during, and sometimes even in retrospect. That is what I have learned these past few days.
Oh and I floated in the Dead Sea yesterday, that was also pretty fun. The pics are on Facebook and more will come when I get the internet again.

Love and miss you!

Jordan

Week 1

Well, it’s been three days and overall I love it. It is such an adventure. There are definitely difficult adjustments but I have never felt so sure that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

Here are my top ten favorite things right now:

1) The man at immigration stamped my visa and laughed when he saw my name. Oh yeah.
2) Two of our three bathrooms are clogged
3) Apparently my roommate and I are identical- at least five people have asked us if we are twins/sisters/related.
4) I floated in the Dead Sea after covering myself with special mud for 3JD
5) I took a picture with a boy named Jordan in the Jordan River, in Jordan
6) This morning I woke up to the call to prayer
7) Shwarma
8) Crossing the street is like one big game of frogger
9) We almost blew up our washing machine last night
10) Cold, short showers

So it has been a bit chaotic and overwhelming, but I love it. I will also never take drinkable tap water, an abundant water supply, functioning plumbing, internet access, or the amount of money in my bank account for granted ever again. We truly have so much in the United States to be grateful for.