Two Thousand and Sixteen High Jumps

The High Dive

I once watched a girl 

Attempt the high dive

About 25 times 

Before she finally leapt

(nay, flopped)

into the deep pool below.

And as much as I laughed inside,

with every small child that passed her by

flipping,

twirling,

diving,

without inhibition,

On so many levels 

I knew exactly how she felt.

Because we've all been that girl on the high dive:

Our toes dangling on the edge of something great,

Eyes surveying the height,

Mind weighing the pros and cons,

Heart pumped by exhilarated breathing,

We

                                                               Step

                                             Back.

We think.

We fear.

We retreat.

We would rather miss the fall,

the potential flop,

that bruising smack of failure,

the embarrassment of emerging 

wind knocked-out

and 

spirits 

low.

We simply

would 

rather 

not.

With a new year right around the corner, I want to jump more...

I want to feel the rush,

the plunge,

the smack,

the bubbles,

the lungs choking on chlorinated laughter

the gasps,

the applause.

I want to feel it all.

So take the job, 

tell him how you feel,

try out a new hobby,

reconnect with that family member,

call old friends,

     u

      J    m

               p

    u

      J    m

               p

and then

    u

      J    m

               p

some more.

Here's to 2016 high jumps.

May we all take them, daringly.

Fighters Gotta Fight

A calloused scar

On the right corner of my bottom lip

Marks the spot

Where truth once leaked.

It tasted less like triumph

And more like salted blood--

The savor of a fatigued amateur boxer

Freshly bruised from

Her first bout.

It hurt

Like a swift jab

To the chest,

The momentum

of

Fierce, naive love

Stopped

In

Its

Tracks.

A full heart

S
    h
a
       t
t
            e
r
      e
d.

Bleeding out

and

Staining

The ring's canvas floor.

Watery eyes

Marred by dust,

Ears ringing

from dizzy dehydration,

Sweat,

Mingled with tears,

D

r

i

p

p

e

d

D
o
w
n

My

Naked

Soul,

Stinging,

Sanctifying,

and

Healing

Every

Exposed

Gash.

Proud Daughter

In a few months I will have the opportunity to introduce my mother to her graduating class as she accepts a Master's degree diploma.

She has kindly asked me to introduce her, and although there is plenty of time to craft the perfect presentation, I decided to go ahead and write one while the inspiration- for whatever reason- flows.

I'll save this post as a draft until after the ceremony to avoid ruining the surprise.

I love you, Mom, and am so proud of you!

"This next graduate is one I hold very near and dear to my heart. Who, from long before I could comprehend that the world was bigger than my own home, taught me that I would never be who I was truly meant to be until all of God's other children- no exceptions- had the same opportunities to progress, love, and live in happiness as I did. Though a well-seasoned explorer, never I have ever met someone with such a fierce, unconditional love for all humanity- who demonstrates these attributes in thought, word, and deed. I am so very blessed to have had her as a mentor, friend, coach, doctor, personal driver and chef, teacher, spiritual guide, therapist, and above all: a mother. I can also confident that I am not alone- many here today have been blessed by her courageous heart and gentle spirit as well. With this introduction, I now proudly present to you the woman who gave me life and teaches me how to live it, Kirsten Hagen Kennedy."

Easter Reflections

There are a lot of things I don't know.

It's a simple and yet sometimes discouraging truth,

That I'm quite human and fallible.

However, on this Easter evening my heart is- without a doubt- full of

Love

and 

Truths

That I feel and know with every fiber of my being, and that I sincerely feel compelled to share:

Jesus is the Christ.

His example to

Serve

Love

Lift

Refine

Heal

Lights up my soul at the very thought of

One who would give His life

To give life

For those who were treated as if they had nothing to live for.

The

Lepers

Outcasts

Poor

Women

Children

Downtrodden

Prostitutes

Beggars

Regardless of 

Age

Ethnicity

Creed

Gender

Income

He paved the way so that all might have a way

To

Joy

Love

Light

Even in the midst of life's

Sorrows

Trials

Struggles

Imperfections

Darkness

We can find

Comfort

Happiness

Transformation

Belonging

Light

Connection

and

Purpose.

Regardless of personal beliefs in Christ might we consistently ask ourselves the following questions:

How might we be extensions and embodiments of these principles?

How can we succor the weak?

Feed the hungry?

Clothe the naked?

Lift the beggar?

Saturate others (and ourselves) with transformative love?

Befriend the outcasts?

Light up the world?

How can we better walk each other home?

Let yourself be moved

Let yourself be deeply moved and truly affected by the world around you.

Shun the endless whispers to numb the divine feeler within you:

"Shake it off."

"Fake it 'til you make it."

"Let it go."

"Just forget about him already."

"Suck it up."

"Cheer up."

"Sticks and stones."

"Don't you think it's about time you moved on?"

Embrace the vicissitudes of life.

Lean into that which refines.

Life is not a random combination of isolated moments, independent encounters, and sterile emotions.

Life is...

A rock tumbler.

Blood.

Sun-kissed skin.

Bruises.

Class VI rapids.

Stretch marks.

Sweat.

Mistakes.

Death.

Tears.

Broken-hearts.

Cliff-jumping.

Birth.

Wrinkles.

Failures.

Rock-climbing.

Tears.

Sacrifice.

Sky-diving.

Second-chances.

Scars.

Nostalgia.

Faith.

The only benefit to a lifeless soul suffocated by protective bubble-wrap is the occasional fun of popping an air pocket or two.

But we aren't horrifically haunting porcelain dolls.

We are so much more than that.

We are...

Fierce.

Feelers.

and

Forgivers.

Products.

of

Progress.

and

Hope.

and

Experience.

Divine.

Lovers.

Embracers.

Adventurers.

Healers.

Complex.

Ondoyant.

Diverse.

Colorful.

Imprints.

and

Molds.

and 

Original recipes.

at the same time

Unapologetic.

Movers.

Shakers.

Friendship-ers.

Forgivers.

Ever.

Changers.

Becomers.

Transformers.

So let life carve deep into the fibers of your being.

For that is where the deepest joy resides.

Resist the temptation to numb.

Let yourself be moved.

Making Choices

Indecisiveness has always seemingly saturated the very fibers of my being.

I'm fairly certain that the very act of coming into this world was postponed by indecision.

Due date: December 25th

Birthdate: January 6th

Somewhere along the journey of passing through the veil into my mother's womb I must have begun my destructive habit of overthinking.

First baby thought: I'm not so sure about this.

Second baby thought: What was I thinking?

Third baby thought: I think I'll just stay here until a greater force can make the decision for me.

I imagine feeling warm and cozy in the womb, but I also imagine some discomfort and stress as my brave mother experienced both the joy and sorrow that this life gifts.

For both joy and sorrow are heaven-sent blessings.

Fourth baby thought: Hey! This hurts. Seriously, what was I thinking.

[cue birth and being received into a room filled with dozens of people filled with even more love than their bodily boundaries could contain].

Fifth baby thought: Maybe this isn't so bad after all.

First of many baby smiles.

I'm not joking. The nurses called me 'smiley.'

Recently I've realized that while our paths are rarely clear and our hearts somehow find more and more space to love, indecision and fear have the power to paralyze.

And as the surface area of our emotional hearts increase so do the opportunities for chipping or even breakage.

Hello, fear.

Hello, indecision.

But to live a life without choice,-without the heart-wrenching experiences this fallen earth allows- would mean a life without connection, love, and refinement.

May we continually be rebirthed through daily decisions.

2015

Happy New Year to all- new beginnings, new endings, new continuinings, new opportunities for growth. 

I hope we laugh, but I also hope we cry. 

In fact, I hope we allow ourselves to feel a great deal- a range of emotions without a moment of this precious life to waste.

Life is not a dress rehearsal.

I hope we take that chance, throw caution to the wind, love someone we thought we couldn't, accept that family member long-estranged, stand for ourselves, others, and what we believe in all times all things and all places.

I hope we find answers.

And where answers can't yet be found I hope we find the power of hope and continue to seek, even when the ambiguous darkness of life's ebs weighs heavily on our souls. 

I hope we remember that darkness can't drive out darkness, only light can. 

And with that knowledge may we construct beacons of light in our hearts and our eyes.

Other hearts and eyes will naturally reflect.

May the earth become a prism of empathy.

Full hearts, bright eyes, may we press forward with great purpose.

However, may we never focus on pressing forward so much so that we lose sight of the divine, present moment:

Eternity is now.