Making Choices

Indecisiveness has always seemingly saturated the very fibers of my being.

I'm fairly certain that the very act of coming into this world was postponed by indecision.

Due date: December 25th

Birthdate: January 6th

Somewhere along the journey of passing through the veil into my mother's womb I must have begun my destructive habit of overthinking.

First baby thought: I'm not so sure about this.

Second baby thought: What was I thinking?

Third baby thought: I think I'll just stay here until a greater force can make the decision for me.

I imagine feeling warm and cozy in the womb, but I also imagine some discomfort and stress as my brave mother experienced both the joy and sorrow that this life gifts.

For both joy and sorrow are heaven-sent blessings.

Fourth baby thought: Hey! This hurts. Seriously, what was I thinking.

[cue birth and being received into a room filled with dozens of people filled with even more love than their bodily boundaries could contain].

Fifth baby thought: Maybe this isn't so bad after all.

First of many baby smiles.

I'm not joking. The nurses called me 'smiley.'

Recently I've realized that while our paths are rarely clear and our hearts somehow find more and more space to love, indecision and fear have the power to paralyze.

And as the surface area of our emotional hearts increase so do the opportunities for chipping or even breakage.

Hello, fear.

Hello, indecision.

But to live a life without choice,-without the heart-wrenching experiences this fallen earth allows- would mean a life without connection, love, and refinement.

May we continually be rebirthed through daily decisions.

2015

Happy New Year to all- new beginnings, new endings, new continuinings, new opportunities for growth. 

I hope we laugh, but I also hope we cry. 

In fact, I hope we allow ourselves to feel a great deal- a range of emotions without a moment of this precious life to waste.

Life is not a dress rehearsal.

I hope we take that chance, throw caution to the wind, love someone we thought we couldn't, accept that family member long-estranged, stand for ourselves, others, and what we believe in all times all things and all places.

I hope we find answers.

And where answers can't yet be found I hope we find the power of hope and continue to seek, even when the ambiguous darkness of life's ebs weighs heavily on our souls. 

I hope we remember that darkness can't drive out darkness, only light can. 

And with that knowledge may we construct beacons of light in our hearts and our eyes.

Other hearts and eyes will naturally reflect.

May the earth become a prism of empathy.

Full hearts, bright eyes, may we press forward with great purpose.

However, may we never focus on pressing forward so much so that we lose sight of the divine, present moment:

Eternity is now.