Holding on, Letting go

"Life is a balance of holding on and letting go."

While the verdict seems to still be out on who originally said that quote (Kurt Cobain vs. Rumi, take your pick), I've been pondering this concept a lot lately.

It seems that not much new can come into our lives if we relentlessly hold onto our old ways and habits. However, time also often unfolds great secrets and most anything worthwhile in life takes commitment, effort, and patience.

So how can we know when to hold on and when to let go?

There is, in reality, no miracle pill or quick cure, but here are some recommendations I've been trying to incorporate into my own decision making:

1) Seek a whole-hearted life- not one that is only easy or happy or challenging, but one that helps you feel well-rounded and encourages growth. At times this might mean, for example, trying out that relationship you're uncertain about or breaking up with someone you feel isn't the best fit. Or in other moments you might feel compelled to pursue a career that is tough, and in another instant you might really feel it's time for a vacation, or even a new, less-stressful career path. Whatever the choice may be, remember that life is meant to have it's ups and downs- don't fear hardship, simplicity, or change because all can contribute to our advancement. 

2) All of your faculties- your heart, mind, body, and Spirit, are powerful gifts that give you equal amounts of good information. I have found myself in life trying to ignore one thing or another out. "Don't listen to your heart right now, it doesn't know what it wants." "Don't think to much about this, just do what you feel is right." The list goes on. We have been giving senses, emotions, and knowledge, for a reason. Even when two faculties might contradict, you might want to analyze the why and choose.

3) God follows us where we go. What I call God others might call luck, good karma, mojo, energy etc... The bottom line is that sometimes I become frozen in analysis paralysis because I am terrified of "making a wrong decision" and somehow removing myself from the path that will make me most happy. I pray and pray and pray and meditate and meditate and meditate and read and read and read and talk and talk and talk until sometimes I just need to decide and trust that goodness will follow me as long as I'm trying my best and perpetuating goodness along the way. To be totally honest I've felt the hand of God in my life even when, in retrospect, I wasn't trying my best. I believe He is our biggest fan and wants most for us to grow and be happy.

4) Take responsibility, your life is yours. While others might influence what situations come in and out of our lives and the decisions we make- be it parents, friends, siblings, spouses, or God- we are ultimately responsible for how we respond to and work with any given situation. Playing the blame game invites fear, hate, and helplessness. Others can't even truly help us if we refuse to be honest about our circumstances and stand healthily in our own power. This point isn't meant to scold or intimidate, but to free and empower- "responsibility" is quite literally the "ability to respond" and a gift from above. Use it.

5) If you're still stumped at whether to hold on or let go of somewhere, something, or someone, remember that Purposeful Patience is always a third option. Not an excuse for more time, not a cop out, not a timid move, not fearful indecision, but Purposeful Patience. Let me illustrate what I mean with a little scenario. I'm currently getting ready to graduate with my Master's degree and have had a few meltdowns in terms of "what next?". One week I was set on getting a government job, the next week realized I was meant to teach, the week after I was convinced it was time to go abroad, and most recently I knew the time had come to apply to PhD programs. What I ultimately felt most peaceful about, however, was practicing purposeful patience. Patience- which to me seemed like just sitting around until something fell into my lap- felt awfully wrong. But Purposeful Patience- living in the moment, giving myself 100% to the most immediate tasks, yet still allowing time for stressless inquiry about my future- has lowered stress levels and brought foresight. While I still don't know what I'm going to do "with my life" post-graduation, I have planned a graduation date along with a solid California vacation with my family and time home to help my mom renovate our house this summer. Other answers will come in time as long as I continue to act and not be acted upon.